Friday, December 6, 2013

Admit it, Your Company Newsletter is BORING!

Distributor Newsletters, Naughty or Nice—You be the Judge
We’ve been analyzing a bunch of Distributor newsletters and blog sites lately. Yep, just like Santa, we’re quietly watching you to see who has been naughty and who has been nice.

We’ve learned a valuable lesson. Watching nice boys and girls at work is fairly boring. Poor old Santa probably gets much of his weight problems from eating while he’s bored stiff. There’s nothing exciting about nice.

Have we been sniffing Christmas tree needles again? No, there is a point to this.

The Nice Distributor Kids fill their newsletters and blogs with product facts, specifications, and catalog cut sheets. This is what the customers are supposed to want, right?

Well….we don’t think so.

Reading through the product spec sheets disguised as distributor newsletters is so dull, even Santa would find himself chugging down a dozen cookies and warm milk to get through them.

Customers who are probably only marginally interested anyway are definitely going to give them a couple of seconds before their finger starts hovering over the delete key. Add in another stock picture captured from a catalog and they’re going to laugh with glee as they send your information twirling down the toilet into their trash file.

People want to be entertained. People want to be amused. People want to get mad, sad, or feel something in response.

And now a word from Santa’s Helper, Elfy Obvious: Customers are people too!

Finally, a word from the Jolly Old Elf himself---

Include your personality in your blogs and newsletters. And, if you don’t have a personality, ask Santa to bring you one.

And, speaking of lists; Santa probably won’t be brining you a 2014 business plan. If you don’t have a plan for a marketing newsletter, better add it to the master plan.

Now without further ado, here is a poem to kick off the Holiday Season:

Twas a mid-week morning, quiet with peace,
When Assistant Elf shrieked, “good gravy, look at these!”
Fearing the worst, I ran to her desk,
“This newsletter is boring, who would send such a mess?”

She was right, just like always, (since she’s typing this up,)

But this business is just not full of much fluff.
The newsletters, blogs, social media and ads
Just don’t pack a punch with reader ladies and lads

You see we’ve been searching and researching the net,

Through the email, Twitter, Constant Contact we get,
And what we’ve been finding is tough to admit,
Is facts, and numbers, and boring bull-- hockey.

Where’s the fun, where’s the humor?

Let’s shake this old rumor
That distributors are dull, lifeless and boring
Let’s keep them reading, engaged and exploring!

“But why would we do this?” the masses cried out,

We’re serving our customer, no need to branch out!
The truth is you’re making it on hard on yourselves
Personality is easy, it’s just not on your shelves.

Give your readers fun news, along with the stats

Help them get to know you beyond just the facts.
Run a contest, tell a joke, give them something to treasure,
They’ll find value in your antics, while hard to just measure.

Nice elves give stats, stock photos, and codes

Naughty ones do too with stories and odes
Keep your readers from hitting the dreaded DELETE
Give them something they’ll want to “Like” and re-Tweet.

Santa will expand on this for good girls and boys,

In the following weeks, we’ll consider them toys.
Examples of what makes us shudder in fear,
And how to exchange them for messages worth cheer!

If you want to get working, but don’t know how to start

Just drop us a line, and we’ll tear it apart.
Your blog, your newsletter, and all in between
I’ll be the gentle one, Assistant Elf is quite mean.

Check out Assistant Elf dancing through our office!

Santa says to remember our Holiday special running through the end of this month!  Get a printed copy and shareable copies of Frank's book on Annual Planning.

One on one telephone coaching session with Frank is also included for $300!  Appointments are filling up, grab a spot while you can!

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