Santa Don't Do It

Yep, it’s that time of year again. Even though I am busy with client year-end planning, new salesperson training and steering a couple of distributors toward fee-based services, I take time away from work to visit my long-time (being born in 270 AD, he hates it when I say old) friend Saint Nicholas – aka Santa Claus. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know Santa. The back of the earliest picture of us together has a timestamp of 1957, but I know we visited prior to that day when our paths crossed at the Downtown Houston Foley’s.


Based on my early recollections, Santa was a great friend and business advisor to my grandfather. Following one of my short meetings with the “Jolly One”, I overheard the two of them talking about meeting down at the Eagle’s Club later. As politically incorrect as it is today, my five-year-old olfactory nerves sensed Santa and my grandfather shared the habit of smoking a cigar after a hard day at work.

Over the years, Mr. Claus has become a friend and mentor to me in my own business endeavors. Our annual meeting has become a bit of a tradition. Strangely, Santa always finds time to advise, mentor and share some jolly words of wisdom with me.

Santa shot me a text with instructions to meet him at the back booth of the local Family Restaurant just down from the mall and off I headed to meet up with one of the most famous distributor guys on the planet. Allow me to share a short bit of this year’s conversation.

Santa:	Putting down his ever-present cup of hot chocolate and looking up from the voluminous Naughty and Nice list… “Hey Frankie boy, I couldn’t help but notice you just made it onto the nice list again this year.  If you don’t watch it, you’re going to get the same sack full of coal I delivered back in ’68.”
Me:	“Hi, Santa.  Sorry for that episode at the AHTD meeting down in Florida this year, I promise I’ll be better next year and ramp up my personal nice factor by at least 30 percent.”
Santa:	“Ho Ho Ho, it’s just like a distributor guy to measure everything in percentages.  I hate to break it to you, but 30 percent might not be enough in today’s world.  These young kids are being way nicer than back in your day.”
Me:	“I hate for it to seem like I’m changing the subject, but I was hoping you might give me a few pointers I could share with some of my distributor friends.”
Santa:	“Ho Ho Ho… Let me toss out one word: NEW.  Does that make your head spin like that mechanical clown I brought you back when your mom was dressing you funny?”
Me:	“New?  Yep, my head is spinning.   New means so many things these days.”
Santa:	“The new I am talking about comes in the form of new products, new people and new ways of doing business.  Regardless of how comfortable you are with what happened last year, you’ve got to make yourself uncomfortable enough to keep up with next year’s big thing or should I say things – plural. Just imagine the changes in toys since you were a kid back in what the elves refer to as the wind-up era.  Nobody wants a wind-up anything anymore; it’s all batteries and the batteries charge up rather than get replaced.  Every year, the North Pole Gang has to figure out what the kids will be asking for the next year.”
Me:	“Gosh, Santa I think I am starting to get it.  It’s not enough for your elves to be able to provide last year's big toy, they have to figure out what the kids will be asking for in the future.”
Santa:	“Yep, Frankie boy, it’s kind of like what you once talked about in an article in Industrial Supply Magazine why back in May 2013.  I think you called it something like Distributor R&D.  Ho Ho Ho, you probably were wondering if all of us up at the North Pole were reading your dribble, but we moved you to the Nice List based on this thought.”
Me:	“Oh, gee Santa, if I had known you were reading, I would have double-checked my grammar more closely.  But you said there was more to it than just new products.  What else are you thinking?”
Santa:	“You can bet your daily ration of Ten High soaked eggnog; Santa and his merry elves have been thinking a lot about the new people thing.  Just a wink and a nod ago, Little Joey was asking for a Red Rider BB Gun and today he is out there calling up customers.  I keep track of lots of things and watching how people grow up is top of my ever-present list.  There are thousands of new people entering distribution.  In my opinion, they need more than the keys to the company car and a shiny new laptop.”
Me:	“Wow, that has been on my list too.  Did you happen to see the New Salesperson series on my Distributor Channel blog?”
Santa:	“Come on now, you know how busy I’ve been lately.  No time to read that but I know the elves have.  Sugarplum Mary, from The North Pole’s Purchasing Department, asked me to move you to the Naughty list based on the comments on your post last week.  I took a quick glance and decided you weren’t THAT Naughty.” Taking another swig of hot chocolate and sighing… “Some of us up at the North Pole have decided we need to double-check some of those purchasing people for next year.”
Me:	“Well Santa, I know you are getting short of time, but what about the new ways of doing business thing you mentioned?”
Santa:	“You know, Frankie, I am getting short on time.  But let me make a couple of quick comments as I pack up my big list and get ready for some “lap time” down at the mall.  Distributors need to understand their business model is changing.  Technology is playing a role in things; for instance, even Santa is using a form of e-commerce to minimize the big stacks of crayon written letters we receive.  Mrs. Claus likes that.  From where we sit distributors need to up their game in the analytics department.  With millions of little girls and boys to keep track of, we are putting in a whole new Naughty and Nice analytic plan for 2020.  Distributors need to think about that too.”
Me:	“Santa, now I know why my grandpa valued your advice so much.  This whole analytics thing is something I plan on writing about in a coming article for Industrial Supply.  Would you mind if I sent it up to you for proofreading right after Christmas?”
Santa:	“Ho Ho Ho, are you kidding me?  Mrs. Claus and I are heading out for some serious beach time right after the big day.  You’re on your own with that task.  I’ve got to jet, but be sure not to burn the Christmas Cookies this year.  Last year’s batch was, shall we say, crispy to a fault.”
Me:	“Thanks, Santa.  Have a Merry Christmas and I’ll catch you in 2020.”

With a wink of an eye, Santa went darting out and stuck me with the bill. Let’s see-- how much of a tip does one give for 25 hot chocolates and a cup of coffee?













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