From Hothead to Harvard Business Review: An EQ Journey
Journey
By Desiree Grace
Ever screw up in a tense situation with a colleague and kick
yourself afterward? I just did that. I was irked that something got missed and
was harsher with my colleague than I should have been. (J, you know who you
are.)
That got me thinking, it's time for a refresh on EQ,
emotional intelligence, as much for my benefit as for yours. Like a lot of
skills, it's use it or lose it. So, without further ado...
1. Great Leaders Have It
By "great," I mean dynamic, charismatic,
popular, people who build businesses and get things done.
Mark Zuckerberg (Meta), Richard Branson (Virgin), Indra
Nooyi (Pepsi) all have it. The ability to read a room, connect with people, and
adapt to the audience—that's EQ. It's not the same as IQ, which we're all
familiar with.
Researchers have found that exceptional leaders have high EQ
compared to average leaders and get better results. For example, the Harvard
Business Review found that EQ boosts leadership effectiveness by 31%. Another
study found that when senior managers had a "critical mass of emotional
intelligence, their divisions outperformed yearly earnings goals by 20%."
In short, it pays to work on it.
2. Emotional Intelligence Can Be Learned
That's the good news. You don't have to be a PhD or a
brainiac to develop EQ.
Richard Branson is a high-school dropout, yet he's worked
hard to develop empathy and equates it with his success: "Being a good
listener, finding empathy, understanding emotions, communicating effectively,
treating people well, and bringing out their best is critical to success."
(LinkedIn)
EQ is a skill that actually improves with age and
experience. Let's hear it for maturity! Fifty-year-old you probably makes
better decisions than your thirty-year-old self.
There are five impact characteristics of EQ. Let's talk
about how you can learn and develop them:
3. Self-Awareness Starts with a Long, Hard Look in the
Mirror
Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses. Spend
extra time on topics you NEED to get good at. Be realistic, but not
self-deprecating. For example, when you've had an especially challenging day at
work, don't come home and yell at your family. If you know you need time to
decompress, take a walk, take a shower, take a deep breath, and don't bring
your bad mood to dinner. This example of how your feelings impact
others, knowing that and managing those feelings, will improve your performance
as a leader.
Understand your values and goals, too. It helps to
know what drives you nuts. It might be someone rude, it might be someone cheap, it might be someone who doesn't spell-check their emails. Know
this about yourself, own it, and be self-aware that that thing is a trigger for
you. Then, and this is the hard part, try not to react when triggered.
4. Self-Regulation: Yep, Self-Discipline
Closely related to self-awareness, let's talk about this
attribute.
Reasonable people create environments of trust and
fairness. You don't want colleagues to tiptoe around until they suss out
your mood. That makes you unapproachable and scary. The ability to control and
regulate your emotions helps with tough situations, like crucial conversations
with employees, competitive situations, and change management. Related to this,
don't take on the moods or feelings of others. That Negative Ned on the team
shouldn't be able to drag you down.
Integrity…you know what this is. Act with integrity,
don't just talk about it. Know and share what your non-negotiables are. This
makes you consistent and trustworthy.
PAUSE before you act or speak, especially in charged
situations. For example, you can calm down an agitated coworker or keep
your cool with an agitated customer. If they start yelling or speaking quickly,
do the opposite. Talk softly, at a slower pace. Trust me, this one works. The
other person cannot keep being agitated if you refuse to be agitated back.
5. Motivation: What Gets You Up and Going in the Morning?
(Besides coffee, of course)
Some of us are born achievement-oriented, driven, and self-motivated, and some of us need to find a purpose for our day. Maybe you're working to provide for your family, or maybe your organization cares
about its carbon footprint. Figure out what excites you and focus on that.
Remember the bigger picture around what you do. Back to Richard Branson and the
Virgin Group, their mission statement is to "change business for
good." I find that highly motivating.
Love of learning. Being a lifelong learner and
cultivating the attitude that you never know it all is important. It keeps you
curious. It keeps you approachable, and most important, it keeps you humble.
Take pride in a job well done. Sometimes, knowing you
helped a customer solve a problem is reward enough. Care about how you do your
work. For example, keep your commitments. If you struggle with over-promising,
give yourself a cushion and manage your time so you keep your promises.
Finally, notice when you stay motivated and when you
struggle. Understand what impacts your motivation. Do the same with
colleagues. Maybe your boss is a morning person and likes to tackle tough tasks
first thing. Accommodate his or her schedule and way of working. Do the same
for yourself.
6. Empathy: Try Walking a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes and Consider the impact of your actions. When you make a mistake, apologize. Also, learn from it. Don't repeat the same mistake. Over-reacting at work or not pausing before you hit "send" can have after-effects worse than a 14-martini hangover.
The increasing use of teams at work, especially in
matrix organizations, means you need to cultivate empathy more than ever.
Globalization also requires empathy. To quote Sting,
"The Russians love their children, too." What this song lyric reminds
us is that we are all humans with many of the same concerns and priorities. We
have more in common than we often realize. Don't let cultural differences get in
the way of teamwork or getting the job done.
Retention can be impacted by empathy. We've all heard
that people don't leave bad companies, they leave bad bosses. If your direct
reports are stressed and you don't give a fig, they will know it and find
someone to work for who cares.
Coaching and mentoring are also impacted by empathy.
Telling people what they need to hear to improve in a respectful, caring way
takes tremendous empathy, but it also builds a strong team and a person ready
for their next role.
7. Social Skills Matter
Dinner with a client, the ability to get past the
gatekeeper, all of these situations, and more, require social skills.
The ability to manage relationships with others is key.
Let's face it, in today's matrix organizations, the ability to get results as
part of a team or through others requires social skills. For example, build
networks and maintain them. Help your network. You never know when you might
need them. BUT, don't build a network for that reason alone. Your network can
be a valuable sounding board, a source of information, support, and frankly,
fun and friendship. Invest time in it. In today's world, nothing important gets
done solo.
Practice persuasion. Internal selling matters, and
the higher you climb the corporate ladder, the more time you spend selling
internally, sometimes as a customer advocate, sometimes as a champion for your
team. This is how funds get allocated, orders get expedited, and problems get
solved.
If you can lead change and lead teams, you've used social
skills. Listening and learning about an organization and its people will
help you have a positive impact.
The Bottom Line
Building EQ is work, but it's so worth it. Consider working
on one or two of the attributes discussed. If you screw up, own it and keep
trying. Mark Zuckerberg didn't build Meta overnight. Indra Nooyi moved from
Motorola and ABB to Pepsi. Talk about an industry shift! But both of them
persevered.
The three leaders discussed have EQ, and you can too. With
intention, effort, persistence, and the ability to learn from your mistakes,
you can be the leader your team needs and the leader you want to be.
Ready to Level Up Your Leadership Game?
Have a colleague who needs some coaching? River Heights Consulting has improved (maybe even saved) many a career. Give us a call and
we'll help you develop the emotional intelligence that drives real results.
About Desiree Grace
Desiree Grace helps leaders transform their careers through practical emotional
intelligence strategies. Known for her no-nonsense approach and occasional workplace confession, she believes the best leaders are the ones who can admit when they've screwed up, and then do something about it.
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